You’re not as strange as you think, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you’re still quite young (20s?). Your 20s are largely about trying to fit in and following social conventions - you do all the things you think you’re “supposed to”. As you hit your 30s, you stop caring so much about what other people think and what other people have told you that you’re supposed to do and start figuring out what you want to do. A big part of growing up is learning that there are no “rules”; you can eat candy for breakfast if you want, sing in the shower, be an absolute cringe goblin - sky’s the limit so long as you’re not hurting anyone.

Finding a partner to avoid being alone is a terrible, terrible idea for all involved. Learn to enjoy your own company first and figure out what you actually want your life to look like, then you’ll be much more likely to find someone going the same direction. Figure out who you want to be and take the steps to becoming that person. Be unapologetically yourself, and you’ll find people who like you for you, which is absolutely preferable to trying to fit yourself into a tiny box of what you think you’re supposed to be and earning the admiration of people you despise.

As some other commenters have mentioned, investigate whether you may be neurodivergent, because you’ll be much more able to make sense of yourself and the world around you with that knowledge if you are.

You sound a lot like me. Have you looked at those online “am I autistic” quizzes? When I realised that I am, it explained a lot in my life and allowed me to go figure out how to deal with it.

You’re not that strange. It’s natural to want to share your material possessions, your knowledge and your experiences. But know, that there are different options for that than only the traditional patriarchal family: friends, comrades, roommates, neighbours. You could join a political org, volunteer at a local action like a shelter, a library, a museum, a community theater, a community kitchen. Join anything that you have any appreciation for and be ready to not just share your wisdom, but learn from others too. There are people out there who aren’t drunk jerks and even if they have some bad takes, they probably have some wisdom to teach you, if you listen closely.

I can’t really say anything of what you’ve described sounds strange. What you’ve written seems to mostly suggest that maybe it needn’t concern you too much how strange, if at all, you actually are because your usual preference for solitude and pretty healthy enjoyment of your own company kinda speaks to you having everything you need for contentment and fulfilment entirely within your reach and means already. You could potentially be more insulated from the feelings of insecurity and doubt and anxiety that comes from a more outward facing and sociable set of needs and that doesn’t make you strange. Viewed that way, it seems like your problems are mostly coming from when you start comparing, which tends to be where most people’s lives start to feel worse. When there’s some sense that you’re supposed to leave a legacy, or you’re supposed to want a companion and when you start thinking that way it can get corrosive to take general well being even when you were pretty happy before.

That said, you have indicated some concern for how others perceive you, indicated some enjoyment from and importance paid to having and maintaining relationships with other people, so maybe that really is something you’re missing and it’s causing you a little bit of anguish. That’s a more complicated problem, but also a pretty common part of the human experience and can cause a lot problems for people. It doesn’t sound like you’re “too strange” for others to want you in their lives and to share connection with you in any way though. That sounds like a self imposed restriction that’s unlikely to be something anyone around you really picks up on or considers.

If you are feeling alienated and isolated, this could be for a number of reasons that would be hard to get to the bottom of from your lemmy post alone but I think it might help you to know that you are signalling a certain kind of contempt for people that could be a contributing factor. You don’t need to suddenly enjoy drinking or loud music if you don’t like either but you don’t and probably shouldn’t look down upon people who do or dismiss them all as idiots on that basis. If you really do want more human contact and feel like the lack of it is leaving you depressed it would help if you could be more embracing of human differences. This has an effect even when trying to form a connection with people who, like you, don’t necessarily want loud music or alcohol for a good time. People tend to pick up on negative attitudes towards others as a whole and for the most part it drives them away. I’m afraid I’ve come across as preachy here and you’ll have stopped reading by this point but honestly, I really am trying to help here. If you look back at some of the wording of your post, a couple of things stand out to me

I specially hate the talkative, needy ones who wont shut up and believe I care what they think

And

the world offers me

If by making your post you really are interested in another’s perspective here, I can tell you that these two statements taken together are telling. The talkative people you have such a problem with probably really do think you care what they think and that’s not a sin on their part, it’s kind of a prerequisite for successful human connection which they are trying to make and thought they had, is that so wrong of them? They need to care what you think and you need to care what they think otherwise what are the two of you actually doing here? Granted there will be times when people misread signals and are mistaken in thinking they’ve made a successful connections with you but you needn’t judge them for that, they want and deserve human contact at least as much as you and they have done nothing wrong by trying to establish it, they’re putting in the work and you’re response to this is immature and ungrateful. You’re not obliged to accept their attempts to connect with you if you find you’re incompatible but this contempt that you allow to build is toxic and will get in the way of you ever managing to find someone you do care about and or convincing them to care about you. The second of those statements I’ve single out sums up where your thinking on this might have gone astray: the world isn’t offering you anything and doesn’t really have an obligation nor tendency to do so, it’s just us people here, on this rock together and in order to get along and live fulfilling lives it’s we, not the world, who must do the offering ourselves . If you’re unhappy with the quality of the people you perceive as being “offered” to you by the world you might want to reflect on what you’re offering them in return exactly. So far it sounds like if someone tries to talk to you or include you, you’ll be secretly or perhaps not so secretly, be resenting them for assuming you care what they think or talking too much, or you’ll consider them to be idiots because of their music tastes or enjoyment of drinking.

Again different strokes for different folks, you don’t have to suddenly pretend or force yourself to like doing things you don’t like, but at least don’t hold it against other people for not being the same as you and try to be generous with them and let them surprise you. Your self sufficiency and self reliance are great assets and maybe they could make such generosity for you, a less risky proposition, you might have less to lose since at least you don’t crave human contact in an unhealthy way like some, or suffer from the same anxiety about how you’re perceived as some, and so hopefully should not risk being hurt or suffering greater depression if your efforts don’t pan out.

Good luck any way. I hope things get better for you one way or another.

Many people who get drunk use alcohol to be a bit more social. They very well may be similar to you. I got to know a ton of fun people because they (and I) were drunk. In normal day to day life they are similar to me. For me it’s difficult to find new people without using stimulants. I just don’t have the energy to engage in certain activities.

become a doctor so you can be doctor strange

If it smells like dogshit everywhere you go, check your shoes.

When I die I want to be cremated. I don’t want a stupid stone above my corpse. I want to be scattered to feed the plants and go back to the source. Industrialization has been a blink of an eye. Connection is what most people truly seek but over socialization is not the answer. Our problems as a species are deeply rooted in group think and the modern world. FOMO but not really. Smell some roses and chill. We all die and we all fail. In the modern world children are debt… future worker bees for the pdfile class. I might want something like the christian god wanted to get off the cross. wHy HaVe Y0U FoRsAKeN mE? Everyone is born alone and dies alone unless you are like in a plane crash. We are all waiting in line, wasting time, ain’t got a dime, ruled by swine occupied by our surrogate activities. You give yourself meaning… I guess… Even the corpos know no joy as they sniff up inspiration and grind us into a paste. Such is life. We are a product of our environment. The superstructure prevents us from changing that environment peacefully. I used to be out there and now I know… It is better to be alone then be a unwitting tool for someones end game. People get sooooo old they sometimes welcome death while some cling on fighting what is unavoidable. NO WAR BUT THE CLASS WAR AMEN P.S. Everyone of these apes is weird.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Minotaur

There are multiple variations of Ariadne’s myth, but she is best known for helping Theseus escape from the Minotaur and being abandoned by him on the island of Naxos. There, Dionysus saw Ariadne sleeping, fell in love with her, and later married her.

Grateful Dead - Truckin

We are all mortal and will be forgotten someday.

This shouldn’t be a cause for concern, but a liberating fact. You are free to live your life the way you want to. If you are enjoying the lifestyle you are currently living, you shouldn’t feel ashamed of it. There is no set path for life that everyone is required to follow.

If you are feeling alone, unfortunately, you will need to sift through various social groups to find one that clicks with you. It takes time and effort, but most good things do. There are other places to go than bars and parties. If you go to volunteer events, you are much more likely to find people who look beyond themselves.

What you’re looking for is a dog!

You’re not strange, but people like you have low visibility and are hard to find. Party animals are obviously easy to find because you’ll find them at loud and obnoxious parties.

Here’s what I can see:

1. Sounds like you need to figure yourself out first. Do you want company (friends? Relationship?). I think legacy is overrated, but if that’s what you want then you’ll have to figure out what that looks like for you.

2. Figure out how to get what you want. If you’re looking for company that isn’t loud and is more thoughtful and introspective then you’ll have to think of where these people hang out. What activity would you find most tolerable?

3. Wherever you go, you’re always going to have to tolerate plenty of people you don’t like and don’t click with. You’re going to have to learn how to best put up with people till you find your people.

Have you thought about writing and publishing your experiences from life and hobbies that other people could learn from?

Suddenly, dying alone with no children feels depressing

Read my long post because I feel like there is at least 1 thing you can take away from it.

Often times those people make life a lot more stressful. You can live a fulfilling life without these things. Most legacies die off quickly after a generation. How often do people talk about their great grand parents compared to their parents? Significantly less often.

I suggest you expand your social circle. Solitude is addictive. At first your wellbeing improves so you start to make it one of your top priorities. As you chase the solitude dragon, it stops feeling as good but it’s become all you know and the negative effects kick in.

Try this before you say hell no. Volunteer at an event related to one of your interests. Volunteers are normally really nice people in my experience. You can get a ‘bonus’ improved sense of wellbeing knowing you helped people. There is a void in your life because you can’t use your life experience to improve the lives of a partner or kids right? You can fill some of all of that void by using your knowledge to volunteer at things that interest you. When the event is over then you get to go back to solitude to relax. You might even meet cool people. Relationships often start with similar interests.

Accept people for who they are and don’t define them by their flaws. You don’t have to go to a bar with a drunk to be their friend. That drunk might only end up drinking certain days or time of the day. Maybe as you get to know them they show you new things about fishing or have awesome new recipes. Maybe you thought they were a drunk and then learned they normally don’t drink like that.

You are losing out on learning things you never knew existed when you define people by their flaws. An extreme example would be racism. Hating people because of their heritage but knowing nothing about their culture. People aren’t one dimensional.

As someone who also regularly prefers to be alone, I don’t think you’re strange. That being said, I’ve forced myself over the years to interact with people. The ones who don’t annoy me, become friends. We may not see each other often, but we’re always there for each other when I counts.

It helps for me getting diagnosed ADHD and my doctor said probably autistic but there was no way in hell she was writing that down in this political climate. Turns out like 80% of my friends are also neurodivergent. They absolutely understand the preference for silence and being alone.

I’m not saying you need to make friends. But it might be worth a try. It’s not either or, you don’t have to go to loud parties every night and talk to every person or stay at home and talk to no one. You can go to the library and tell someone that’s a good book theyre reading and maybe you guys discuss it and become friends and maybe you don’t.

There’s so many ways to be a human. And they change and evolve through your entire life. Who you are today is probably not the same as 5 years ago you or 5 years from now you. Give yourself permission to try new things even if you don’t think you like them, it may surprise you.

You’ve identified the risk here: die forgotten and alone slumped over beside the toilet in a bus station bathroom stall. As you slowly slip the surly bonds of earth, you hear the bustle of people out in the station; children laughing, families chatting, lovers arm in arm. You think back over your own life and realize your sole purpose was to serve a warning to others. You stare down at your mismatched clown shoes, piss soaked pants, then wipe the tears from your grimy soot-caked face with a sore covered hand.

Want a different fate? Start by realizing there is more to it than your personality. Being an introvert is fine, but you have to not use that as an excuse to ignore the fear part of it; the fear of people, fear of relationships, fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt. Nobody succeeds in life without stepping out of their comfort zone. You dont need to rage in a mosh pit with the juggalos to find a partner. Just be open and take small tangible steps. Join a dance class, start a book group. Write essays on Substack of the joys of quiet walks. There are billions of people on this planet and millions of them are perfectly compatible with you. Dont quit the game because you hate the rules. Master the play and win your due rewards.