“Huh? Oh… OH!!” Dies instantly
always relax
sphincter prompty unclenches
Always Relax is the true Instant Death potion. Why stop at the sphincter when every muscle and blood vessel in your body suddenly stops contracting.
“Become a dragon” covers most, if not all, of the rest.
Really dependent on which mythology’s dragon you become. That aside, being a dragon in modern day would probably be very hazardous. Better hope you’re a small enough dragon to not cause much property damage while figuring out your new body, and to stay mostly undetected, because otherwise you’re likely to end up dead, or in captivity somewhere in fairly short order.
Assuming D&D lore, polymorph fixes that problem pretty easily. A polymorphed dragon could blend into society pretty well, and if you want, you could still get a ride into international waters (to avoid setting off national airspace warnings), fly down to some random jungle tribe, and be worshipped as a god. Plus nigh immortality (assuming aging only affects your polymorphed form and you continue to age at the rate of your dragon-self).
Takes “always relax” potion
Dragon for sure. It’s getting increasingly embarrassing to be a human…
I’ll take the “talk to plants” potion since it changes LITERALLY NOTHING, and I don’t want any additional powers myself.
Except now you’re wracked with crippling guilt every time you mow the lawn, chop up veggies for dinner, or walk by some poor little scrawny weed growing out of a crack in the sidewalk.
Except plant never developed language or even neurons to process thought. You drink the “Talk to plants” potion and the world is just as silent as it was before.
It was recently discovered that plants do talk to each other. It’s still being studied.
That is really old news. Whole forests do this. But that’s still not talking.
If that’s what a “talk” to plants drink does, I’d love to get a “talk” to humans drink. Imagine the psychology experiments I could set up if I could understand the subconscious pheromone, posture, subvocal, and other various poorly understood methods of communication!
