It’s so bad we just don’t use the bathroom anymore

In my mind, you’re telling this story while your neighbours are over. Small cup of tea in your hand, light chuckle from some of your guests while one or two already look kind of uncomfortable because they know they’d have to go there eventually. You laugh a bit, have a sip of your tea. Then you excuse yourself, head over to the potted plant in the corner of the living room and just piss into it. “You know”, you say, “I always had issues with my plants. I just kind of lack the green thumb, you know… But ever since we declared the bathroom off limits, they have just been so much healthier!” A sigh of relief fills the silence of your guests. Debbie excuses herself and leaves, it’ll be the last you’ll ever see of her. Nobody speaks for a few seconds. You feel a bit undervalued. You hadn’t eaten in two days to avoid the nasty smell of fresh poop but still feel like your efforts aren’t appreciated as you look into the faces of the people around you, but hey, there’ll always be somebody who complains. The small shovel is discretely ready next to the Monstera Deliciosa, in case somebody needs it. You offer some more snacks, you always feel like newly opened chips cover the smell of ammonia a bit.