Just to add some more options, there are the 5 Neurodivergent Love Locutions.

Infodumping, Parallel Play, Support Swapping, Deep Pressure, and Penguin Pebbling.

Honestly i’m not a gigantic fan of any of them in particular though.

Physical touch is good, but my joints get stiff and my skin gets sweaty from too much cuddling. I also don’t really like being a smaller spoon - I become very conscious of moving my head and or catching my long hair on something.

Quality Time is probably my biggest. Like, time = life. Giving someone time is sharing life with them in that sense. Responding to messages or giving thought counts. Doing things actively together counts. The Parallel Play locution counts.

Words to Affirmation… Maybe it’s the autism but anytime i’m getting the impression that someone is saying something with the goal of making me feel any certain way, it tends not to work. Like, I’ll understand and appreciate that you want me to feel that way, but the words won’t themselves won’t matter much. This applies to a lot of stuff, both positive and negative. If someone insults me I just think “oh you don’t like me” without ever ruminating in what the insult was. There is also some evidence that autistic people are less susceptible to advertising and propaganda too, though I would never be so arrogant as to claim imunity from such things.

Acts of service and gift giving are pretty similar in that I am uncomfortable just receiving stuff from people. I’m very particular and I often have unusual taste, and I really enjoy researching things and making a purchasing decision. I prefer collective contributions. I love when my wife and I spend a couple of months saving for and discussing a big purchase we are going to share. I love when we both work together on things like yardwork or cleaning or swapping around the seasonal decorations. It makes me feel like part of something bigger than myself: our household, our marriage, whatever you want to call it.

Infodumping… I can handle some and can provide some on occasion. Maybe I just got really good at masking as a kid, or learned from watching people call my older sister a know-it-all, but I learned fron a young age to evaluate how much someone already knows about something and how much they are willing to learn in that moment. My bf and gf never learned this and occasionally I get exhausted by them. Especially when it’s a topic we are both interested in and I disagree.

Parallel Play used to be great. I think I miss it. One of the problems of being in a polycule is that I always put pressure on myself to be more present with whomever I am with. It seems my wife doesn’t appreciate parallel play the same way that I do. I’ve still not gotten to the point of doing so with my bd or gf.

Support Swapping is not something I’ve done much of. The support I need is mostly time alone. I try to support others by providing a calm, stable presence and a listening ear.

Deep Pressure- I have a bad knee that benefits from massage, but other than that I don’t love deep pressure.

Penguin Pebbling- I like a small amount of it, but I also get overwhelmed by clutter. I feel a bit bad because my gf definitely loves this one, and they cone back from every trip with a huge bag of random trinkets they have scavenged, and I am like “I’ll take one (1) please” to add to my designated trinket box.