MJ calls what happened to her in Zion national park “small ‘T’ trauma”. She knows women have experienced worse from their partners. But she still feels the anger of being left behind on a hike by her now ex. “It brings up stuff in my body that maybe I have not cleared out yet,” she said.
Five years ago, MJ and a new partner – he was not exactly her boyfriend, and the pair were not exclusive – traveled from Los Angeles to Utah for an adventure getaway. MJ, who is 38 and works in PR, was looking forward to exploring Zion’s striking scenery; its vast sandstone canyon and pristine wading trails were on the list. But on the morning of their big hike, MJ was not feeling well. She could not shake the feeling that something was “off”; indeed, MJ would learn on this trip that her partner was seeing other women.
As they made their way up Angel’s Landing, MJ’s partner started walking faster than her. “I could tell it was getting on his nerves that I was slow,” she said. “I was like, ‘Fuck it, just go ahead of me.’” He did without hesitation.
When she caught up at the top of the mountain, they took a picture together. Then her partner hiked down the mountain with a woman he had met on the way up, leaving MJ to finish by herself. They broke up shortly after that trip. (MJ asked to be referred to by her initials for the sake of speaking openly about a past relationship.)
Last month, MJ opened TikTok and heard the phrase “alpine divorce”, a label she now attaches to her experience in Zion.
Yeah that situation seemed defensible on his part. But then the article comes in and outright says that in a lot of these cases it’s a failure of communication where the men aren’t thinking about it like that and in hindsight realized that they’d made a mistake.
That all said, I find it difficult to be sympathetic to these guys as someone who likes to hike with her wife. Even if I was annoyed she wasn’t able to keep up with me I can’t imagine ditching her even if she told me to. When I go hiking with someone or a group one of the major rules is that you never leave the weakest hiker alone unless it’s an emergency. You stick together and enjoy each other’s company
Wife is quite a different magnitude of commitment, in comparison to a non-exclusive non-girlfriend partner.
No question. But on the spectrum of basic decency, the minimum you owe to another group member from the get-go is as @[email protected] laid out; you stick together.
You’re over here saying it’s a bare minimum assumption that group members stick together on a hike while simultaneously telling me in another conversation that it’s the woman’s fault for not communicating that she expected them to hike together?
Are you fucking serious?
As far as I know, that particular hike is very popular and very very safe though
Every hike has the potential for danger.
Everything has a possibility for danger though, even staying home.
The most dangerous thing they did that day was driving to and from the hike.
So like, some lady I’m on an early date with? Yeah no different in general rule. If I take you into a situation that you aren’t individually comfortable in I’m an asshole for ditching you there alone, even if we decide we hate each other in the meantime
Doesn’t mean it’s ok to abandon your hiking partner whilst on the hike.
Like seriously, you think that it’s ok to treat someone terribly on a hike as long as they’re only a casual partner?
If they say you can go on ahead, it depends how well you know the other person.
The people I hike with, if they say that to me, I take them at their word. Maybe they would feel happier and more relaxed, if they hike at their own pace. It’s not abandonment, It is communication.
Some people get really anxious if they don’t go for the summit or objective right away and some people like me prefer to go more slowly and take their time. It doesn’t make sense to me to force both people into a compromise if you’d be happier walking your own hike.
If somebody said it and didn’t mean it, that’s something different. Or maybe they meant it, but they’re inexperienced, and would regret actually being left to hike on their own. That’s also something different.
One thing that you never do though is to hike past a trail juncture without waiting for your partner to catch up. But I guess even then, if you’ve been on the same hike multiple times and you have a plan for where you’re going to meet back up, even that is okay.
Depends on the hike’s safety.
But a wife gets a higher priority for safety than a casual partner to you?
What? No it isn’t. This isn’t about personal relationships, it’s about responsibility during a dangerous hike.
By the way: this particular hike is very very very safe.