MJ calls what happened to her in Zion national park “small ‘T’ trauma”. She knows women have experienced worse from their partners. But she still feels the anger of being left behind on a hike by her now ex. “It brings up stuff in my body that maybe I have not cleared out yet,” she said.
Five years ago, MJ and a new partner – he was not exactly her boyfriend, and the pair were not exclusive – traveled from Los Angeles to Utah for an adventure getaway. MJ, who is 38 and works in PR, was looking forward to exploring Zion’s striking scenery; its vast sandstone canyon and pristine wading trails were on the list. But on the morning of their big hike, MJ was not feeling well. She could not shake the feeling that something was “off”; indeed, MJ would learn on this trip that her partner was seeing other women.
As they made their way up Angel’s Landing, MJ’s partner started walking faster than her. “I could tell it was getting on his nerves that I was slow,” she said. “I was like, ‘Fuck it, just go ahead of me.’” He did without hesitation.
When she caught up at the top of the mountain, they took a picture together. Then her partner hiked down the mountain with a woman he had met on the way up, leaving MJ to finish by herself. They broke up shortly after that trip. (MJ asked to be referred to by her initials for the sake of speaking openly about a past relationship.)
Last month, MJ opened TikTok and heard the phrase “alpine divorce”, a label she now attaches to her experience in Zion.
If they say you can go on ahead, it depends how well you know the other person.
The people I hike with, if they say that to me, I take them at their word. Maybe they would feel happier and more relaxed, if they hike at their own pace. It’s not abandonment, It is communication.
Some people get really anxious if they don’t go for the summit or objective right away and some people like me prefer to go more slowly and take their time. It doesn’t make sense to me to force both people into a compromise if you’d be happier walking your own hike.
If somebody said it and didn’t mean it, that’s something different. Or maybe they meant it, but they’re inexperienced, and would regret actually being left to hike on their own. That’s also something different.
One thing that you never do though is to hike past a trail juncture without waiting for your partner to catch up. But I guess even then, if you’ve been on the same hike multiple times and you have a plan for where you’re going to meet back up, even that is okay.