Shamelessly stolen from an old SimpleFlips donation message.
(Alt text: Grumpy cat meme with top text “STFU or I will take a bullet” and bottom text “train to your house and toss your salad.”)
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That was a rollercoaster in fifteen words.
One of my favorite copypastas:
Trains are really unpredictable. Even in the middle of a forest two rails can appear out of nowhere, and a 1.5-mile fully loaded coal drag, heading east out of the low-sulfur mines of the PRB, will be right on your ass the next moment.
I was doing laundry in my basement, and I tripped over a metal bar that wasn’t there the moment before. I looked down: “Rail? WTF?” and then I saw concrete sleepers underneath and heard the rumbling.
Deafening railroad horn. I dumped my wife’s pants, unfolded, and dove behind the water heater. It was a double-stacked Z train, headed east towards the fast single track of the BNSF Emporia Sub (Flint Hills). Majestic as hell: 75 mph, 6 units, distributed power: 4 ES44DC’s pulling, and 2 Dash-9’s pushing, all in run 8. Whole house smelled like diesel for a couple of hours!
Fact is, there is no way to discern which path a train will take, so you really have to be watchful. If only there were some way of knowing the routes trains travel; maybe some sort of marks on the ground, like twin iron bars running along the paths trains take. You could look for trains when you encounter the iron bars on the ground, and avoid these sorts of collisions. But such a measure would be extremely expensive. And how would one enforce a rule keeping the trains on those paths?
A big hole in homeland security is railway engineer screening and hijacking prevention. There is nothing to stop a rogue engineer, or an ISIS terrorist, from driving a train into the Pentagon, the White House or the Statue of Liberty, and our government has done fuck-all to prevent it.
Two promises in one. I hope grumpy cat has the energy.
I didn’t actually know that “toss your salad” meant something else until after I posted this lol
That’s pretty funny
Wait, so you thought to just post something of only mediocre comedic value instead of a masterpiece??
Lmao, that must’ve been eye opening.
Sadly Grumpy Cat doesn’t have energy since 2019
HA! Jokes on you buddy! I live in AMERICA! Where we don’t invest in things like proper railways, or even proper maintence of our roadways!
Not that it will matter for you! If you’re not brown enough for random ICE agents to drop out of an unmarked van to kidnap you, you’ll surely be distracted by random strangers with guns killing people in public for like…no reason.
Are you SURE you want to visit me? You know if I get you pregnant, there’s no rights for abortions here…
There are other countries on Earth.
Also, you’re gonna fuck the cat?
The meme literally says that they’re going to come to me via bullet train.
I live in America.
And the way memes work, you aren’t talking to/about the character (in this case a cat) in the meme. You’re talking to/about the spirit of the person posting it.
Don’t worry, everybody understood that you’re American. It’s almost like a lot of you have to announce it, every single time.
