If he IS Teddy Rosevelt, I think that just means he deserves more treats! Man got shot in the chest, and said “Hol up a minute! I need to finish delivering my speech! THEN we can go to a local medical facility…if there’s time…”

You gotta give him treats for that!

My Park Place and Boardwalk hotels! Nooooooo!!!

Oh man. You just reminded me of the time I had to give my cat a flea bath. That was like 20 years ago, but I still remfmber I had to wrap her in a thick towel to act essentially as a cat straight jacket. I kept her head free, but everything below the neck was in a towel.

Oooooooh boy did she growl.

I hated it, but it had to be done. We got rid of those fleas. And all it cost was traumatizing my baby…and myself. Because I know she hated it. I at least made sure the water was luke warm, so she wouldn’t be cold, or too hot. But still…she HATED that bath.

OOOOH! Yes. That’s another good point that I never even thought about. I just naturally never used my hands, because I don’t like it anyways, but I always used a feather on a stick/string.

Another thing I never use is laserpens. I used to. I feel bad that I ever did. It’s fun, but then you learn that cats play is only stimulating their hunting drives. And since they can catch the feather on a string, they feel a sense of satisfaction for having caught it. Whereas they can’t catch a red dot. So never catching it apparently gives them PTSD. They feel depressed that they can’t be good hunters if they can’t catch the red dot.

If you’re looking for a way to stop this behavior, you grab them by the scruff of their neck. Don’t worry, it doesn’t actually hurt the cat. But it does trigger senses in them that they’re being disciplined. So you grab the scuff of their neck, and act like your wrist is hurt. (the one they were biting/clawing, not the one you’re using to grab the scruff of their neck).

Once they realize they’re hurting you, and also realize you can grab them by the scruff of their neck, and are therefore more powerful than them, they’ll stop doing that.

Of coarse, this is also assuming you’re being a good cat parent to begin with. I see so many videos online titled “Cats go crazy” or something similiar. They aren’t going crazy. Their humans are usually doing some shit to repeatedly piss off their cat. And eventually the cat says “FUCK THIS!!!” and lashes out.

As long as the cat routinely feels safe, and loved with you, the scruff thing works. If your cat feels unwelcome in it’s own home, yes, it will lash out.

You’re clearly interupting an important private meeting. White cat is like “Can I HELP you???!!”

If Jelly is laying down, and then rolls over, is that considered a “Jelly roll”?

It is for this reason, I always say “I’m surrounded by morons. Morons everywhere. Far as the eye can see…”

Talking about those who laugh at you for saying it’s a scam. Check back with them in 5 years, and ask them how much money they’ve profited from crypto. Just don’t be surprised when they become hypocrites, and tell you to shut up about those scams.

Sounds to me like you understand crypto just fine. You can see that there’s no value, and therefore a scam. You’ve got this!

I think what your wife is saying is that she wants to convince you that she wants a threesome with you and an ophthalmologist. She wants to bring him into the bedroom, and then handcuff you to a chair, and oh no! You can’t do anything from the chair but watch! Now he’s spreading peanut butter on her eye while you lick it off, and talking about the jelly. As you already know, the difference between the jelly and the jam, is he’s going to take the jelly, and put it on her eye. He’s going to take his dick, and jam it up her ass.

Also, your wife is maybe absolutely leaving you for someone who knows all about the jelly and the jam.

George! Come inside! You’re gonna get fleas out there.

Also, you’re beautiful, and I want to brush you, you majestic beast!

I’m too distracted by the concept of spiderman, but instead of his wrists shooting web, his butt just shoots poop.

Well that sentence was a roller coaster!

I’m petting!

In 2004 I had a cat. My cat was one of those cats who lives exclusively for food. She would happily lay in the lap of Hitler, if Hitler had some food for her. So first thing, I always feed the cats. Then I can go sit down on the couch, and wake up in peace.

One day we went through that routine. I put the food in their bowls, set it down, and then go sit down. As I go sit on the couch, IMMEDIATELY after sitting down, I mean my butt wasn’t even fully rested on the couch cushion yet, my food loving cat pokes her head around the corner, and lets out a cry. The other cat was in the background, just looking at me like “Yeah, maybe you should come see this…”

I walk in, and see a mouse in their food bowl, just gobbling it up. I look at my cats, and I’m like “You guys know you’re cats, right? That’s a mouse. You ever see Tom and Jerry? C’mon. Get to work.”

And they just stared at me. Probably on account of the fact that they don’t know English, or American pop culture from the 1950s. So they just sat there, watching the mouse eat their food.

So I got an oven mitt, and a leather glove. I picked up the whole food dish, walked it outside, walked across the street, and dumped the mouse down a sewer.

Then I came back inside, with their food bowl, and my cats were just staring at me like “Food?”

And I said “I don’t know why you’re looking at me! You’re always begging for more food. That was free protein right there.”

To which she responded “Meow?”

Eventually I had to clean their dish out, and get ANOTHER can of cat food ready for them.

So really it depends on your cat how much of a threat they’d be. My mom had an outdoor cat in the early 90s. Very loving to my mom, and the guy she was dating. I didn’t live there, so the cat didn’t afford me the same love. But that cat knew how to hunt. I wouldn’t have been surprised to learn it somehow took down a gazelle.

So it all just depends. Is your cat a hunter…or a pussy?

Pretty sure those guys on acid are going to need therapy.

Plot twist, it WAS a cat. You were just tripping balls on acid.

Who??? Who??? Who??? Who??? Who???

I’m sorry for your loss.

And by that, I mean I’m going to steal your cat.

So if you get a really big bowl, and give him a bath in water, is that considered a soup?