My friends and family always mock me

they’re gagging and crying from the heat.

Take their wallets while they can’t resist and mock those weaklings right back.

Yes, this has happened to me. The woman in question was at the time under investigation by HR for bullying her direct reports, so she was probably trying to smooth things over with her previous victims. Didn’t help her.

I have found that most kiwis care more about a person’s personality, manners, and contribution more than skin colour.

Not gonna lie, I judge the shit out of people who block both sides of the supermarket aisle.

affordable food

I think we fail this criterion at every level. 😒

Not all. And their search tool lets you look for non-DRM books.

Please, article writer, be a little more passive-aggressive.

Yes, but it’s okay. I have low expectations.

big deal out of nothing

Yes, I realise what I did there. No, I’m not changing it.

As a tiny kitten, she was fascinated by the drawstring on my shorts. One day she launched herself at it, intending to kill the tiny prey creature, and found herself hanging from claws inserted into the vulnerable flesh underneath. Very important vulnerable flesh. I tried to scream, but couldn’t draw breath.

My wife insists that I’m making a big deal out of nothing, but how could she understand? I felt that injury for weeks afterwards.

“Do not wash hands with boiling water”

During my time there, two people broke the rule.

Since my background is in PC repair… my PC.

I understand the guilt but the way you’ve described it, you helped your dog pass over at the point where you’d no longer be capable of keeping her comfortable. Add me to the list of people who think you did the right thing.

Sometimes you need to rename something that was originally named after someone who became a national humiliation.

fart gun

I got my nephews one of those! It disappeared after a week, but what a week.

It’s useful if you’re a network engineer or a web designer.

I like it in a tuna salad. I chop up a cup of baby spinach, along with half a carrot and the same amount of telegraph cucumber. Mix a 180g can of tuna in oil through it, add some salt and pepper and it’s a pretty good low carb lunch.

Any dragon who would hoard zombies has got to have their self-esteem in the shitter.

Wire by Worthikids.

I’ll be honest - I don’t know if it’s a good song. I just know that self-animated music video changed my life.

A hidden button pops out saw teeth at the edges and starts the whole thing spinning. I will wade through this storm, and it’s not raining.

“I wonder how many people will reply only to say they can’t/don’t want to experience one or more of the nine delights.”

– several minutes later –

“About as many as I expected.”

I agree that Morpheus doesn’t seem like a cold person. But he can’t let any of his crew return to the Matrix because the agents could perform one of their mind-bending interrogations on them and gather intel on Zion. Like Trinity showed us when Morpheus himself was captured - denying an asset to the enemy by yanking their plug out was standard procedure.