Have you been given jewelry that had some wackadoodle magical properties? Call the law offices of Gandalf and Gandalf and don’t settle for less than you deserve!

Relatable

Helicopter killing go cart.

This is what we in the industry refer to as a “big oof.”

I love needlessly long manga titles.

My cat launched a nuke and to stop it I married my plumber!

Under total weight I tons, you put “Yes.”

Choose your Netflix Adventure:

• Old show you’ve seen three times already.
• Crappy show you lose interest in after five minutes.
• Browse for fifteen minutes until you give up.

Let me tell you something. I once had a chance to buy one of those giant ass snickers bars. It was designed by engineers to be eaten as a group activity, but I had a theory I could just eat it, and screw everyone else. I was young at the time, but sometimes youth makes “good” choices that turn out horrible. I didn’t buy that giant bar. I regret it. I regret that I’ll never be able to chonk out. Chonk out like a mad man. No. Now you can’t even buy them any more. What was once a dream, is now ash. What is left to do now? Eat a salad!? WHY DID I MISS MY OPPORTUNITY OH LORD!!!

Hey Mittens! What are you up to?
(DOOM music kicks in)

Squad 1 will assault here, and Squad 2 will-
“Power up like in Dragon Ball Z. ^-”
It sure as hell will not!

We now know that cars are not an effective anti-submarine countermeasure.