This, if anything it might clarify a few confusing exchanges we’ve had in the past, and it will certainly help me be a better friend in the the future.

If I already know you, I know you, I’m choosing to be friends with you because of how you treat me and how you treat others when we hang out together. If I had any problems with that, I wouldn’t be friends long enough to hear you tell me about your NPD diagnosis.

Now that said, I’ve had friends tell me about a diagnosis and it shouldn’t change anything, but now that the diagnosis is out in the open they want it to change things and I can’t offer that to the friendship, such as compromising on my own boundaries (eg: I had a friend who after explaining their condition asked me to provide tone indicators for everything I say, but I have alexithymia so that was really difficult for me to do and I couldn’t adjust my behaviour to meet the new expectations of the friendship, so we faded out of each other’s lives, they told people I stopped being friends with them because of their anxiety disorder… No it’s because I couldn’t meet the changed expectations of the friendship, describing my emotions every minute is hard for me and I choose not to be friends with people who require me to do that for their comfort)

In Australia cigarettes are sold behind the counter, all packets are identical brown with plain white text with the brand. You can’t smoke them in public, and they’re one of the highest taxed products (a 25 pack will easily cost you $50)

And yet we still have a major smoking problem here.

Mostly because of black market fags, $20 illegal import packs, and “vape wars”. It’s shocking when a tabbaconist shop doesn’t get fire bombed by a competing shop.

That said, the tax revenue is nice, if people wanna smoke the rest of the community may as well get something out of it.

Tax the birdie.

I’m forced to because I make the most ridiculous spelling mistakes that completely change the comment.

“With” autocorrects to “without”.

“is” autocorrects to “isn’t”

Finally worked out why though - my right eye is impaired and I type exclusively with my right thumb (on mobile) so I’m not actually pressing the keys I think I am and I’m often hitting the “predict word” button instead of the space bar.

Looking forward to getting tactile keys on phones again!

My job somehow shifted from teaching IT to seniors to teaching SOSE to migrants

It has simultaneously been the most challenging, and most rewarding change.

I’m forced to edit myself down from my preferred 5000 word lecture to about 150 words with clip art.

It’s slowly helping me become less of a rambler.

Except for the “post restraint collapse”, I get home and I can’t hold it in anymore, cue the explosive verbal diarrhoea.

At work, fewer words are better.

But in my own personal life I feel that the fewer words I employ to convey the way I feel the less nuance I’m embedding in my message and what is communication if not the conveyance of the core message, failing to express myself clearly would be counter-productive so surely explaining in more detail is beneficial, hello? Are you still listening? Why have your eyes glazed over.

Call her doctor

I should have been more specific. Find a time when she’s not doing anything urgent, tell her it’s time to call the doctor, pick up her phone and dial the doctor, put them on speaker and put the phone down next to you while you body double your partner as they gone through the motions of locking in the appointment.

While on the phone your partner can also give third party authorisation. It’s the first thing I do when I meet a new provider, I give third party authorisation to my partner and mother so they can make appointments on my behalf (they can’t get results for me, but they can schedule things for me)

Call her doctor, make an appointment, save it in her calendar, remind her in the lead up, drive her there, get the referral. Walk her to the post box to send it off, sit next to her to phone the intake office to confirm they got the referral, set appointments on her phone for every 6 months to sit with her and call to check the cancellation list until you get an appointment. Drive her to that appointment.

If she has ADHD, the steps involved in getting a diagnosis are bigger than Mt Everest, she will need a neurotypical Sherpa.

Yeah it’s pretty regulated here, you present your evidence for being a medical cannabis candidate to your GP/PCP (or they tell you they think you’re a candidate) who refers to you to a clinic that specialises in cannabis, the intake appointment was 2 hours long, they prescribe specific products based on your symptoms and needs, then script gets sent to a compounding chemist and you go and pick up the medication from the chemist, the same chemist that you’d go to for advil and beta blockers.

I can’t imagine they’d prescribe oil that needs to be further processed by the patient. The printed dosage instructions from my doctor just say to take 0.5ml sublingual, and the pharmacist didn’t say anything otherwise. It was topaz t25 oil, my friends tried some because I was convinced it was the wrong product or something, and it worked for them.

I have issues with other drugs too, like I still puke when dosed up on ondansatron, and the reason Im prescribed cannabis is because I can’t take opiods for my chronic pain condition, even 8mg of codeine causes my respiratory rate to drop dangerously low. My chronic pain is the result of a genetic disorder, so I’ve just assumed I metabolised things badly, though Ive asked several doctor about it and because I’m in the public healthcare system I can’t access CYP2D6 testing to know for sure.

I quit caffeine a month ago (my neurologist is convinced my redbull “addiction” was causing the migraines I’ve been having since I was 6) and it’s no skin off my back to quit for 6 months to prove him wrong.

Only the insomnia!

I used to have a red bull right before bed to help me relax and sleep soundly, now I’ve got nothing (weed makes me want to clean my house then throw up)

I haven’t had any caffeine cravings, but I have started hallucinating from the sleep deprivation. I was told caffeine withdrawals usually only last 2 weeks so I’m wondering if this is just my natural sleep cycle shining through.

I’ve got a sublingual melatonin tincture that I need to remember to use because it helps somewhat, but despite multiple alarms and post it notes near my bed I completely forget I have it as an option.

My neurologist told me to give up caffeine, been 1 month so far. Genuinely haven’t noticed a difference in my life yet, turns out in the short term I was addicted to the taste of redbull, not the caffeine.

I’m thinking I’ll have to give up weed too since I’ve started getting hyperemesis every other time I smoke. (I’m prescribed a thc oil but I genuinely feel nothing when I take it, even if I take 10x the dose, so 🤷 )

And if I’m giving up weed I might as well give up cigarettes too…

Not nicotine though, you’ll pry nicotine from my cold, stroke induce dead hands. I’ll be chewing on this gum till the noise in my head stops.

Heck I still find myself thinking this on a subconscious level. I can’t let go of the sense that we should be able to discuss things in good faith and make change through civil discourse.

I have to remind myself that history does not support my blind faith in the goodness of humanity like this.

Even people who have less than two seconds ago proven they are arguing in bad faith, my gut reaction is to give them another chance to come to the discussion properly.

It’s like pathological naivety, and yes, it’s just as harmful as the original bad faith argument when all it’s doing is echoing the bad faith argument.

I have been booted from many communities for asking what I thought was a genuine question. And at first been left wondering why a community would ban someone for asking questions and trying to learn. I’ve experienced this my entire life and only recently began to understand that it’s not some personal slight against my curiosity and ignorance. It’s a necessary safety measure for that community.

I’m just an idiot, questioning an asshole, but from everyone else’s perspective there’s two dumb assholes over here.

In Australia Google maps has issues with routing cyclists on 80km busy truck transit roads that have no bike lanes, footpaths or shoulders. You’ll regularly get stuck behind lost uber eats cyclists whose map took them through a motor vehicle only underpass.

The other day google maps decided to reroute me from a quiet, wide street with no bike lane that was otherwise perfectly safe, and tried to send me through a nightsoil alley, down a heritage stock run that was paved with cobblestones and crossed over a storm drain 4 times in a zig zag.

Yeah, “safer” because there’s no cars I guess, but not suitable for bikes at all.

When I was 8, my 4 year old brother, 40 year old father, and 35 year old uncle whom I lived with all went to get screened for autism after my brother’s pre-school recommended it.

3/4 of us walked out with autism diagnoses.

I was given the official psychiatric assessment that I had “learned and developed autistic traits and mannerisms due to growing up in a household with no neurotypical influence” and the advice was that I would grow out of it once I made enough “normal” friends at school.

My brother started occupational therapy and other programs, and at each one, the practitioner would recommend to my dad that I join too to “help her brother feel safe and comfortable” and I would litteraly participate in the Autism therapy programs with my autistic brother.

Over my years at school, I picked up official diagnoses for dyscalculia and dyspraxia and that explained a few of the struggles I was having. The autism OT I was already doing covered support for my learning disabilities so nothing except the paperwork changed.

And sure enough, I made neurotypical friends at school, and a lot of the autistic-like traits I exhibited as a kid were no longer apparent in my behaviour.

I had a lot of mental health issues as a teenager and young adult. But what millennial isn’t depressed and anxious? I was growing up with 3 autistic men as a teenage girl, I rationalised that my dysfunctional emotional state was justified by my life circumstances. I was a dramatic teen.

Hearing and visual impairment, and other physical health issues with muscle tone, and struggles to heal due to poor proprioception that got worse in my 30s somehow lead to a re-assesment for autism as an adult.

Big fucking suprise. I’m autistic. Always have been.

Sometimes health professionals don’t get the full picture. They’re human.

My presentation is drastically different from my male family members, and I was parentified by my fathers autism from a young age - I remember being as young as 10 and my dad saw my ability to blend and socialise, he’d send me into stores or get me to make phone calls for him if he was having anxiety over it. This was not something that was discussed at the time of my first assessment.

My special interest was, and still is, anthropology. I maintain that loving the study of humanity and human culture means I’ve been able to intellectualise my way through social situations that neurotypicals feel their way through on instinct. I suspect I’ve done this from a young age, and that this further muddied the waters for that psychiatrist who assessed me when I was 12.

If I’d gotten reassessed in my later teens, or early 20s, I’m certain the result of the assessment would have been different then to, even with the same psychiatrist. You get 4 hours with a perfect stranger,just on some random day, and they’re supposed to make an assessment on your entire life?

We trusted their assessment, which is why I fumbled through life for 20+ years under the assumption I could learn my way out of feeling autistic.

Trust your healthcare professionals, but remember that they’re human, and second opinions are important, especially if you’re struggling with the treatment plan, or lack thereof, from the first doctor.

I completely agree with that perspective.

Personally I would add to this that for individuals who are unable to mask, and who’s struggle to mask is so to speak, “visible” to others, while they are still subjected to all of the ableiem that comes with being neurodivergent, it’s almost like their inability to mask becomes a punchline for neurotypicals. I think some NTs use the joke as a way of trying to relieve the pressure to mask thinking they’re being accommodating, while still addressing the disabled elephant in the room. The end result is that the person’s lack of masking capacity is mistakenly correlated to their entire set of abilities - people assume they’re incapable of everything. It’s pretty dehumanising and infantalizing, and puts so many limitations on the opportunities available for folk who can’t mask.

And on the other side of that coin, people who have the ability to mask really well are expected to do it flawlessly 24/7, and failing to do so isn’t a sign that having ADHD can be disabling, no, for people who can mask, not masking 24/7 is apparently a moral failing. Which is not the kind of social expectation you want on someone who’s condition predisposes them to anxiety inducing perfectionism, and leads to this expectation also being internalised.

Which occurs for both types of people - internalising the expectations. if society treats you as useless, you start to feel useless, until you fall into a pit. if society expects you to always be performing at 110%, you begin to feel like a failure if you output anything less than 109% until you burn out and fall in the same pit.

(because I don’t think neurotypical people realise that masking is operating at >100%, it’s an additional request on our mind and body, it’s an additional labour, it’s not sustainable long term. There really is the misconception that we can choose to turn it on and off at no personal cost to us.)

No but you do say “I’m diabetic” which uses diabetes as sort of identity within the sentence structure.

Similarly “I’m a cancer survivor” and “I’m a cancer patient” are ways someone with cancer could structure a sentence to give weight to the way cancer and the experiences of cancer fundamentally change this person’s personality and identity.

While “I am ADHD” isn’t perfect, it’s a very new use of language to try and create an identity form, and it will continue to evolve and sound more natural.

Personally I still find myself saying “I’m autistic and I have ADHD” in most situations, but if I know I won’t have to explain the term too much, I do prefer “I’m AuDHD”, because it’s an identity first phrase, and it feels as natural as “I’m autistic” or “I’m diabetic”.

But the difference grammatically between “I’m autistic” and “I’m ADHD” is minimal, yet I agree one sounds fine and the other just sounds stupid. And other than exposure, I can’t place my finger on why.

I never really understood at what point a language evolves enough to be an entirely new language.

Old English feels so far removed from even middle English, let alone modern English.

We have “new” and “old” to differentiate them, but with how many Latin words alone entered English between Old English and Modern English, It’s something I’ve never found a comprehensive answer to.

I guess, what is it about proto-indo European that we acknowledge as a distinct language from the hundreds of thousands of languages that evolved from it, other than time scale and global impact.

My partner bought me one of those all in one cookers (instant pot style thing) because it will automatically shut off when it’s done cooking…

It has saved our relationship with our neighbours because I’m no longer setting off smoke alarms every other night.

Case in point, while typing this I just heard it beep and it scared the shit out of me because I completely forgot I put some squishy old pears (that were always destined to rot in my fridge) in it to stew when I got home… like 2 hours ago.

It feels like past me has left a suprise gift for present me, because I have stewed pears for dessert now!

There are certain aspects of ADHD that would be disordered in any societal structure.

I have been so hyperfixated on something that I have been completely oblivious to my own body’s signals. As a result I have had accidents, developed UTIs, ended up in the ER with electrolyte imbalances, and dislocated several joints.

ADHD and joint Hypermobility are closely linked and while more studies are needed to understand exactly why and how, a lot of people with ADHD also meet criteria for Hypermobility spectrum disorders. In my case, I’ll be focused on a task and I won’t realise I’m clenching my jaw too firmly until the sudden sensation of undeniable pain sweeps over me and I realise my jaw has dislocated. Or ill be struggling with transitioning from a task to a rest, even though my knees are in agony, I can’t seem to force myself to stop.

ADHD is also inherently linked to circadian rhythm disorders, and while yes, delayed sleep phase disorder is only truly a disorder if you’re forcing yourself into a 9-5 lifestyle, ADHD sleep issues are more than just the shifting of the phases. A lot of people with ADHD will describe the sensation of sleep as being “passing out”, because of the way our brains (fail to) regulate dopamine, the way serotonin and melatonin is secreted to create drowsiness is also impacted.

I don’t get tired or sleepy, I get headaches and blurred vision and spasms in my back, and then I know that I can fall asleep if I lie down. I take sublingual melatonin tincture (I find it works better than tablets) and it’s such a strange phenomenon because about 15 minutes after I take it I feel my eyes are heavy and my body is calm and my mind ia slower, aka, sleepy. I don’t experience that without the help of supplements.

And sure there’s the argument that you “people with ADHD used to be on night watch duty”, but sleep deprived people make shit guards. If I’m not physically able to fall asleep until I’m “overtired”, and if being tired makes my ADHD symptoms worse, then I’m no good for anything.

It’s also not like hyperfixations are a super power (God I hate that way of framing things) I can’t choose when or why they happen. If I could, I’d be good at just job, instead, I’m loosing all sensation in my feet because I’m stuck in a fixation trying to pick at the skin on my thighs because I spotted one single ingrown hair while I had my pants down sitting on the toilet. Now it’s 40 minutes later, my alarm is going off in the other room, and I’m frozen, unable to transition away from this task.

ADHD is a spectrum, and for many people there are strengths, but it’s most definitely a disorder and for a lot of people, even if we lived in the most utopian ADHD friendly society, there are still internal issues to face.

For the record, I am unmedicated and always have been due to a heart condition, so maybe my view on the condition would change if I had different treatment and management options available to me.