I can tell where a laser is pointed on me without looking. Like if you blindfold me and got a laser pen and shined it on my arm, I can point to where it feels like it is with pretty good accuracy. It’s easier to detect motion than precise placement, and sensation wise it’s not touch or heat like you’d expect it’s more like raw proprioception.

Also it felt the same regardless of the color of laser we used which seems odd since you’d think higher frequency light would be easier to detect.

Tbf I haven’t done the experiment since I did it with my siblings when I was pretty young. Not sure if I can still do it, but my siblings and cousins couldn’t do it even back then.

If I don’t have a choice to leave or feel irrationally compelled to actually try to debate them 10.

It’s not a choice it’s a fucking curse. I don’t have to think, my mind will eventually start predicting what they say and eventually I want to gut myself because I can think of a hundred things to say and know that it won’t change their fucking minds.

Worse, mind reading is a fallacy. Sure predictions can be pretty accurate, but there’s no way to know for sure if those arguments will play out exactly as I think. But there’s real curse is that just because all the things I can think to say won’t change their mind, that doesn’t mean there isn’t something that will. I might just be too dumb to think of a good argument. So I rot as the conversation happens to me trying to think of anything that could make a difference.

Oh also yeah when they say horrible shit and your mind decides to go “here this is how their victims feel” that’s pretty fucking horrible too.

But if I get up or get upset or react strongly it’ll likely ruin any chance of me changing this person’s mind. Not that that chance existed in the first place.

Anyway, it isn’t difficult to see things from other people’s perspective but let me tell you I much prefer talking to psychopaths than delusional idiots.

I had a roommate who was full blown psychopath (and business major to boot lol) who, once he found out I could see things from his perspective, would debate politics with me in a completely candid manner. I once brought up “so you’d support slavery then?” And he deadass said “if it benefitted me then yes”

Fucked up, but the thing is, he’d listen to my arguments when they were logical. And he wasn’t sadistic, slightly narcissistic, but like he didn’t derive pleasure from other’s pain. Anyway the point is that when you talk to someone who is sane it doesn’t hurt even if they feel no empathy because you can start to understand why they think the way they do and it always feels like you can change their mind, and they don’t feel an active desire to hurt people.

Nazis typically aren’t that. Nazis are typically idiots who can’t face the real sources of pain in their life, so they direct their hatred of their lives and themselves to others. Same with manosphere incels, same with bigots of almost every kind. They want to hurt others, they want to break things, to be mad, because they’re hurt. But you can’t get them to see what they don’t want to see in the first place.

So you just feel bad for them, feel bad for others harmed by people like them, and hate yourself for feeling hatred for them because you get why they are doing it.

It isn’t fun and it’s not even fucking useful because it’s not like you being emotionally stressed out is helping anyone ever and you aren’t changing their minds.

Its a curse to feel irrationally compelled to talk to those who won’t listen because “maybe this time it’ll work” it doesn’t.

Edit: okay clearly I’m not in a very good place mentally right now, but I’m leaving this here. If anyone can relate, here’s some external reinforcement since you’ve likely said it to yourself and it doesn’t work: you do not need to feel compelled to feel bad for others constantly especially if it isn’t galvanizing you to take solid action to help. If your suffering stops you from functioning well enough to help anyone then it’s actually a bad thing to feel that empathy. So let yourself relax.

Thanks, it wasn’t too bad. Like I felt like I generally knew what the questions were asking for, but I didn’t really have time to scan for mistakes so who knows how well I actually did. I hate timed exams.

I wasn’t able to get a refill for last week. This sucked because I had an exam and two major projects to work on. My mother however seemed very happy to learn I wouldn’t be taking meds.

They’re good memes, keep up the good work!

I heard that it might be that they want the traction, like something they can dig their claws into while they convulse

Well that makes non-binary people either Iron-Copper (fitting but lame) or Mercury (less commonly used symbol for non-binary/genderfluid but a pure element)

Funnily enough the alchemical symbol for Iron is ♂, the symbol for the male gender lol

No no no, billionaires don’t store their wealth in cash, that’s what poor people do.

Rich people can afford stocks which allow them to make money on stored money rather than have it decrease in value from inflation like cash does

Not against Esperanto but creating a “universal language”and then making it gendered seems a little stupid.

It’s not as bad as other languages on this front, but if I remember correctly there’s still no agreed-upon gender neutral singular pronoun in Esperanto is there?

Mi forgesis, ke mi lernis ĉi tiun lingvon.

A few times I’ve left my phone on my desk before going to bed and still got hella executive dysfunction.

One time, I missed all my classes that day because I couldn’t get myself to get up. I couldn’t even distract myself with my phone because it was too far away. So I just sat there freaking out that I’m missing class and being unproductive etc. for no fucking reason.

Then someone knocked on my door, I got up immediately, picked up the package my roommate had ordered and, after closing the door, promptly had a breakdown because why in the fuck couldn’t I just get out of bed sooner?!

This was before I was diagnosed. Anyway point is that you don’t need distraction from a phone to not do a task. The distraction probably does help relieve/distract from the stress of “why tf can’t I do this simple thing” though

Them: “Did you know there are operations higher than exponentiation?”

Me: *looks at two entirely filled notebooks beneath my desk containing my attempts to find fractional operations and compute fully continuous tetrations quickly* …no

Had my water bottle in my hand. Suddenly realized my water bottle is not in my hand. Where did it go?

Wrote a spiking neural net (something I’d never heard of previously) in Rust (a language I had 0 experience with) in three days… while being unable to get the motivation to look for a new apartment until literally the day before school started and my lease ended.

Fun times.

Need to find apartment. Can’t do anything else till I find new apartment. Also can’t bring self to find new apartment. Suffering.

Idk about it helping me fall asleep faster, but the precision amount of time I stay asleep when on my meds seems to fit with “resetting my clock”

Melatonin might help

If I take melatonin when I’m not on my meds, I fall asleep fast enough but don’t sleep very well and have odd dreams.

If I take my meds but not melatonin, I tend to stay awake a long time.

If I take melatonin while my meds are in my system, I sleep for almost exactly 7.5hrs and wake up automatically, well rested.

No idea why that is. Anyone else relate?

Jar Jar Binks explaining rules he’s going to immediately break

Putting off finding a new apartment for the 50th day because I have an idea I want to test out. Not like the semester starts and my old lease ends in less than a month…

Once upon a time this happened to me when I had classes. I kept saying I’d get up for the next one and never did (in fact I basically stopped going to class for a week).

I really knew I should go and get out of bed but the more I thought about it, the harder it got.

Eventually, I got medicated, and while sometimes my body tries to stop me from taking my meds, it’s easier to overcome that than it is to get out of bed when executive dysfunction hits.

That’s why I keep my pills right next to my bed and typically I take them immediately when my alarm goes off.

I also set out a protein shake next to them every night so I can eat “breakfast” without having to wait for them to kick in.

Probably not the best solution for everyone, but if you want a suggestion, that’s mine.

Also remember that you’re not alone and while some people might not see the struggle, that doesn’t make it any less valid. Be kind to yourself