So I started talking to this guy in November. I really like him and he says the same. We are long distance of 7 hours so it’s not so so bad and we see each other here and there when he’s down here for work. Anyways… lately I’ve been feeling self - conscious and scared of him being bored / abandoning me. I had a bad past with my ex (he would compare me to other girls towards the end of our relationship and tell me he’s watching twerking lives to my face). And I’ve had anxious detachment relationships with my dad as we used to fight and not talk a lot so these feelings stem from trauma.
Anyways long story short. I obviously looked through his following. Nothing bad. He was following this one Instagram famous girl who post like thirst pics and whatever (boobs popping out, tongue out, etc) super gorgeous but the photos know what they r doing lol. Anyways, she was live and I joined and I said haha my man follows you. Take in, he liked her picture 2 days ago and it upset me because I don’t look anything like her and he wasn’t even liking my own stories. How do I have other men liking my stories but not him?! Lol. Anyways, I told her that she’s like oh eww girl lemme block him for you. I was surprised and I’m like sure lol. I told her if she can just remove him from her followers list and she did. She and her other viewers were telling me to see if he follows her back because then he’s noticing it. I feel so toxic that I’ve done this and so grossed out from myself. Oh btw, she said he would always text her and send her memes and say she looks good. But she said the last time he did that was November which is when we started talking so it’s fine I guess. But I don’t follow any men who post stuff like that so I found it so annoying that he liked the picture when it should’ve reminded him to unfollow her lol. Maybe I’m just mentally ill.
We also haven’t been talking as much the last couple days because when I found out I felt so gross and then I broke down to him (I didn’t tell him) about how I’m scared of the future and what will happen (I’m seeing him in two days and he said we will talk about it in person) but not texting all day until night (work stuff for him lol) is taking a toll of me . But it’s only temporarily as he’s down here for work but whatever. I get people have lives.
I just feel like I give so much of myself and my happiness, even faking it all the time, to not feel it in return. It feels like men r so interested at first but then they think ur so wrapped around their finger that they can start showing u less attention.
But he is a great guy and he hasn’t done anything wrong except that unless im just crazy. But he does treat me good. I might’ve got too vulnerable with him, he got me flowers and I cried like…. And when he told me to my eyes how much he loves spending time with me and it makes him happy i cried too because im not used to those things and hearing those words. Maybe that was a mistake
A’ight, girl to girl advice here. I think you’re so afraid that your partner is going to turn into a replica of your ex that you’re willing to nuke the relationship first.
What you’ve said in your post doesn’t really have much to do with your bf. Your ex would compare you to other girls, but has your current bf done that? Your dad would fight with you instead of talking, but does your bf do that?
Stop faking it. Worst-case scenerio, people assume you’re acting a certain way to manipulate them, and that’s not really wrong. They can’t read minds, so they don’t know you’re hiding insecurity, they just know you’re hiding something.
You also can’t give out fake and expect genuine in return. I’d be willing to bet that some of the friction you’re feeling is from people trying to fake it back. If you want to trust a partner that trusts you, you can’t have fake getting in the way.
That is 100% why. I feel so bad for what I’ve done. Like I can’t believe I joined her live and did that. I feel sick to the point I just wanna cry at work. I don’t know how to get this over my head. I’m insecure about myself at times so maybe I’m not ready for a relationship but then people saying loving the right one it wouldn’t matter if ur insecure or not. I am scared. I’ve been heartbroken so much that when I feel something real the instinct to break It before it “hurts” me is so bad. Do I tell him what I did? I don’t want to because I feel like it’s so embarrassing and awkward but part of me feels so weird like I need to let it out. I’m scared
Communicate! If something he does makes you feel bad, the worst thing you can do is bottle it up until it explodes. Tell him how it makes you feel straight up. Don’t say “stop following insta skanks if you love me,” say something like “it makes me feel insecure when you like photos of women that don’t look like me.” Basically tell him what you told us.
The fact that he was dming some insta girl is (to me personally as a man) kind of weird, but the fact that he stopped when he started talking to you is a good sign.
Lastly, you can almost certainly benefit from individual therapy. This is not me calling you crazy. I had trouble getting close to my now girlfriend due to previous relationship issues. Therapy helped me process those feelings and also understand the importance of communication.
Yeah, thank you. I sent him a long text explaining what I did and how I felt during it and how it makes me feel insecure. I feel crazy but it’s fine. At the end of the day, it’s how I feel and if he thinks I’m a bit crazy but respects it then good. If not then whatever. I did find it weird too that he was still following her and liking her stuff when he doesn’t like my own stories of me. But I’m over it. I’m so so so happy I got it off my chest. He hasn’t responded but I had to let it out. I really do need therapy. I rlly do. I had a traumatic past with betrayal and self love issues and sabotage but it’s so expensive idk wha to do. I feel like I won’t know how to talk to a therapist or where to begin. I tried online therapy but I didn’t do much for me
I wish you the best of luck. You may have to shop around for therapists. Online or in person shouldn’t make a huge difference, it’s more about finding one you click with.
I don’t have any specific advice for the likes thing, but I’ll share my experience as a possible explanation. I am pretty shit at verbal affirmations. Like “I’m dating you and kissing and cuddling you of course I don’t need to tell you you’re pretty” which is obviously THE WRONG ANSWER but it took some effort for me to even realize that. Learning each other’s love languages may also help you two communicate.
I’d fess up about it. You were acting irrationally, and it’s going to be better to hear the confession from you, and not learning about this because somebody on IG reached out to him. Because it was a livestream, you can’t really hide it anyways, there’s receipts.
This is honestly the sort of stuff that therapy is really good for, but I know therapy can be inaccessible, so no hate if it’s not something you can do.